Is he the one? Statistically, in this day and age of modern dating, probs not hun.
Fundamentally—and this will be a common theme of this post—men and women date differently. Sure, we should be equal in societal terms (we’re not), but we absolutely think differently in a couple of ways.
I think that’s where we’re struggling when it comes to dating in in 2018: we keep looking for behaviours and cues that suggest someone is keen. We look for the things we’d do ourselves when we know we like someone. But they don’t translate when it comes to men.
When we like a crush’s photo, it’s because we’re sending a message: we’re thirsty and he’s fine. But when a guy does it? He’s not thinking about it from 7 angles in a group chat with his mates. No, he’s already scrolled down to the next hottie in his feed.
So here’s a quick guide (based on personal and anecdotal evidence) on how to tell if the dude you’re crushing on haaaarrrd is keen–or a cunt.
1. He looks at, like, ALL of my stories. He obviously likes me, right?
Nah. I got stuck in this trap for longer than I’d care to admit. I’d post a pic and look for bae’s name to see if he’d watched it.
Sure, he’d always watch my stories, but did anything come of it? Nope. Still a commitment-phobe and—you guessed it!—turns out he’s also a cunt.
If he’s not making real plans to see you, watching your stories means zip. He’s probably just bored on the loo 💩
2. He liked my photo! You know what this means 😏
Awesome! Did he text you and tell you how amazing you are? Did he ask about your cat/dog/lizard and make plans to meet your mum? No?
It probably means yes, he has noticed that you’re a fucking catch. You’re smart, funny, cool and a total babe. But this is the era of Tinder and the effortless hookup, and he’s keeping his options open with the simplest mating call: a double tap.
Bottom line: If he’s not making any action outside of liking that cute pic, he’s a dud. Drop him.
3. He calls me when he’s drunk (and not for a booty call!)
Firstly – wow. 2am drunk calls that aren’t a booty call are impressive. Even more so if he calls to tell you he just wanted to chat/hear your voice/misses you. You’d be forgiven for thinking this means something, because you know the saying: if she doesn’t call you when she’s drunk, you’re not the one.
But if you’re googling ‘Why does he call me drunk’ (guilty 🙋), it means he’s not doing anything else to back it up. I had a guy call me in the early hours of every single weekend telling me he missed me, wanted me and how amazing I am. Obviously, I believed him because hey—I am fucking great, and so are you— so it wasn’t too much of a stretch to think he was genuine.
But weeks (and then months) stretched on, and nothing came of it. He told me later on that he ‘genuinely thought we were friends’, but what he was really doing is getting his validation from me during a vulnerable, drunken stupor.
Bottom Line: Sleep with your phone on silent. If he wants you, he’ll call you when he’s sober.
So how do I know if @dreamymcfuccboi is keen?
Honestly, it shouldn’t be this hard. At the end of the day, if a dude is keen, he’ll let you know. In the meantime, try not to exert so much energy trying to decode behaviour or create meaning from nothing.
A good friend of mine (and a very smart woman) once told me that when it comes to men, the simplest answer is probably the right one. So if you have to ask your group chat what it all means, it probably means nothing.